HOME SWEET HOME 

Home was never what people told me
home was supposed to be
home was not the trampeline of love and understanding
home was the sand paper of war and depression
each home made  moment scratching
deeper
deeper
wearing off my skin
tearing through my muscel
sending shivers of agony through my beaten body

"im going home" my friend would say
"thats great can i come i have nowhere to stay"
home was a world of foggy confusion
my life was better without the families
mixed up delusions
a drunken mommy and some fucked up fights
thats the story of this
home sweet home

two sisters fight the urge to cry
a 6 year old coping with her
home sweet home
dorthy can keep her ruby slippers
id rather face the mysterious wicked witch
than the familiar monsters waiting for me at my
home sweet home

"Enough!" I say
i faced my oppressors with a pen and paper
breaking down the lying walls of my
home sweet home
exposing corruption
distruction
mutilation of my surviving sanity
my home sweet home
breaking down the great illusion
created to protect my mothers wholesom immage

now i build walls
pretty and sweet
this the way a home is ment to be
created
mastered
perfected
enjoyed
by all my friends and me
 

It has recently come to my attention that i am getting dangerously close to growing up. I have moved out of home, desperately need a job, and in just a couple more months i will legally be an adult. I have had countless number of people asking what I'm doing with my future and what scares me the most is that i actually can answer them. This up till a few days ago seemed pretty rad, then i realized, I DONT WANT TO BE AN ADULT AT ALL. adults have to worry about things they need to take care of themselves and they need to start going somewhere with their life. not to mention of course that once you become and 'adult' your life suddenly switches to more behind you than infront it seems. I don't like it. I don't know about you but i just don't get what people see in it.
so anyway i have come to the conclusion that i have wasted far too much of my  time growing exactly the way i don't want to when instead i should have just spent my time not growing and having fun. that is what i plan to do starting now. I understand that idealy i would have decided this at the ripe perfect uninhibited age of 8 or at the very oldest 13 however i will have to make due. Now all i have to do is find out how to get to never never land and i will be all set. However i am under a bit of i time constraint, because like i said earlier i will be 18 in just a few months at which point i will be doomed to grow old and be an adult for the rest of my life (sounds horrible, i know). Any help concerning the where abouts of this never never land would be quite helpful and of course anybody that would like to come along is more than welcome, because lets face it growing up is only fun till you actually do.

I shot an arrow towards the sky
it hit a cloud floating by
the cloud came dying to the shore
i don't shoot arrows any more.
-from shell silversteins falling up


My Version; just kinda a silly little thing. It started off being more closely related to shell silversteins but after time his turned into more of an inspiration than an actual outline for mine.

i shot my heart into the sky
with a far fetched dream that it might fly
instead it got slapped down
to a lonely shore
feeling a pain it had never known before
its finally back where it began
ready to fly just as soon as it can

ok so im super happy to be in washington super unhappy i forgot my make up bag with all of my make-up hair stuff, lotion and basically all my toiletries... esential toiletries. it sucks
but whatever i can just sit in my room and do nothing for a week. now thats what i call a vacation... (even if i don't have makeup)

ok so i took the wich L word character are you quiz.... well actually i took two different which character are you quizes and one which character should you be with quiz... (im a little obsessed i can admit). the first quiz said i was shane, blah i hate shane.... the second one though said i was alice... much better. Then the which would you be with said i should be with shane. So basically if i am either shane or Alice and i should be with shane then Shane should eiher get with herself or alice. I think herself is a much better match.... and this just further shows how much of an ego centric cheating prick shane is... who by the way has no positive aspects.. .(who i apparently am too now.) Now as for the L word character i would WANT to get with its carmen all the way.

well just had to get that out there.... sorry to those of you who do not watch the L word and who were hence very confused reading this entry.

So here i am in Washington missing every one horribly! iv gotten to a point where I love where i am but am, but desperately want to be back home. I miss everything about my home; my bed, my room, my friends, my bike, and yes even my crazy ass pregnant mother. Weird i know.
I haven't been up to a whole lot just a bunch of sitting around trying to work out as much as possible. On a side note get this in the first two weeks of my vacation i gained just under 15 pounds! i was shocked! not that i really care all that much but still its an impressive amount of weight to gain for me in two weeks. anyway, I'v just been chillen and the other night my dads new girlfriend started talking about my mom oh about 12 years ago. basically just about her immaturity which got everyone on a rant about how insane she was, i thought it would make me just be glad to be away from her but seeing this uptight poor communicating yet very nice and "normal" woman made me miss my mother even more. Made me realize how glad i was to have a crazy, weird, totally innapropriat mother and well i guess family too. I realized that she wouldn't be being true to herself if she was anything different and that is refreshing to see. someone not changing there entire mind set just because society says you have to when you have kid. Don't get me wrong i still think she can be crazy and annoying and it drives me crazy but im just saying that could be better than being totally boring and typical. So sorry about my little rant but  thats just whats been on my mind.
ill try to post more often. 

so here i am, again, sitting in my bed at two in the morning not even being tired. i think iain has trained me not to ever want to sleep when it would be most perfect for me to do so and only to want to sleep when it would be most inconvenient. blah.
another thing thats beginning to happen all to often.... me and my sister getting locked out of the apartment building in the middle of the night and not having any thing to do but sit outside and wait for someone as stupid as us coming home at two in the morning, to let us in.
last night we had to follow someone as they drove into the parking lot and sneak so they wouldn't see us and finally run after them to the door "discreetly" of course, where we found them waiting for us and holding the door open.
"come in," he stated with an amused look on his face, " you don't look two dangerous." at which point me and eden both realize wait he could be dangerous. we examine this thought deeper as we get into the elevator with him alone at three in the morning. Finally our stop came however and we were unharmed, obviously.
well ill try to sleep but there are no promises. maybe ill try to write more often.

 

i know its late... like really late... but i felt like doing it anyway. 

dude whats up with vegetable drawrs? iv never found one that actually opens and closes with ease. i even bought a brand new fridg recently and its all shiny and new... but wouldn't you know it the vegetable drawrs squeek open and shut slowly. i think it must be a concipiracy of the fridg stores make all the drawrs suck so when you move into a place and the fridg is old you think you have to buy a new one so the damb drawrs don't have to be wiggled slowly open. 

Has anyone else realized the absolute amazingness of top ramen... and im not talking about  that dumb as organic shit trying desperatly to be ramen like a school girl trying to be an adult. i just don't know what makes it so good... but its amazing. 

who ever thought of eating pumpkin seeds? like lets take these seeds that are suffused with some orange goopy shit and cook them for a while to see how they tast... i wonder did they try them raw first? 

you know the best invention ever... flying car... schweet.... i know a little overdone right but i just don't see why they don't exist... although i do love how every generation thinks that in ten years there will be flying cars and monkeys ruling the world and each time are sadly dissapointed with their robots and extra smart computers or high speed internet. 

Hushpuppies= deeeelish, fried twinkies = gaaaross 

i find it great how heated people get about ghost stories and scary movies... people get all worked up when their talking about them... if someone likes them and then another person disses them they will here a piece of that persons mind and more often than not a full fledged debate will come of it. 

koolaid... one of the very few flavors that will not grow on you. 

frosting a broken cakes quite possibly one of the most frustrating things to do.... its like even if the frosting is the right warm temperatur and the cake is cooled if there is un shielded crumbly cake showing your fucked.... .its like a never ending cycle... at that point id just rather tare it apart with my hands and feed it to my always appreciative dogs. 

dwarf hamsters dwarf bunnies... ever notice you just ad a dwarf or little infront of anything and they automatically become cute... dwarf flesh eating bacteria... ? like martinis you just put a blended cocktail in a martini glass and vuala its a martini. 

howerd stern bothers me... its like he thinks he's being cool by being  a big ass to every one.... well i got knews for him hes not being funny or " pushing the boundaries" he's being a dick..... what makes me more mad is that the only reason he keeps doing it is because of these dumb ass ignorant people that keep listening to his radio show there for telling him daily how cool he is and supporting totally unacceptable behavior... 

Liberals that arn't liberal at alll... an often occurance im noticing.... its like you can say your liberal but that doesn't change the fact that your racist, support the death penalty, are agains gay marriage and hate all inovative things. 
sorry the word means nothing people find a real identity.  

barbie dolls.... every one rants about how horrible they are and how the message they teach kids is horrible but when a person says their not going to let their kids play with barbies everyone is horrified that their censoring their children, in such a " pointless way" 

lip smackers quite possibly the most under appreciated lipgloss/ chapstick around. other under appreciated things include... battel star galactica, pasta with tomato sauce, potatos, twinkies, toast, diners, daytime television, shaved heads, amalie, and many other things. 

things over appreciated..... wine, pets, pregnant people, pesto, crisco, lemon cookies/ scone/ or any other lemon desert, blond hair, big boobs, special effects, getting your wisdom teeth out,  and many others. 

                                                                

                                                                                                               - FINI-

 looked for fun, sprained my ankel  


Submisive female, 19, looking for superior male of 30 and up. love to nurture and i will cook whatever my man desires. I want a man that will teach me when i do something wrong, preferably by giving me a swift beating. I am all american and like to keep an old-fashoined house-holed with typical family roles. I see it as my duty to keep my body in shape but will not tire myself out with my work out videos and will always be available to take care of my husband and childrens needs. I know my place and you can be certain i will not speak until spoken to. No romancing needed just a steady pay-check and prestigiouse title in the communit. Sweat pants are not an option for my daily attire and i only own aparons and fitted afternoon dresses and evening gowns. My one dream is to be a stay at home mom/ trophi wife. Maybe you can make my dream come true.